This is shared from Al, who has four of the most adorable girls (and Girl Guides!) in all of Alberta. Thanks!

1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep

2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3.) A 3-year old child’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound child wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20×20 ft. room.

5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words “uh oh”, it’s already too late.

8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke — lots of it.

9.) A six-year old child can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

10.) Certain Lego’s will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old child.

11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12.) Super glue is forever.

13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can’t walk on water.

4.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15.) VCR’s do not eject “PB & J” sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

20.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine will, however, make cats dizzy

22.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

23.) 80% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

a) For those with no children – this is totally hysterical.

b) For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.

c) For those who have children this age, this is not funny.

d) For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.

e) For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.

You Decide…

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by kids)

(1) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
–Alan, age 10

(2) No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with.
–Kristen, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

(1) Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
– Camille, age 10

(2) No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.
– Freddie, age 6

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

(1) You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
– Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MUM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

(1) Both don’t want any more kids.
– Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

(1) Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
– Lynnette, age 8

(2) On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that Usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
– Martin, age 10

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

(1) I’d run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
– Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

(1) When they’re rich.
– Pam, age 7

(2) The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that
– – Curt, age 7

(3 ) The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It’s the right thing to do.
– Howard, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

(1 ) I don’t know which is better, but I’ll tell you one thing. I’m never going to have sex with my wife. I don’t want to be all grossed out.
– Theodore, age 8

(2 ) It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
– Anita, age 9

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN’T GET MARRIED?

(1 ) There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn’t there?
– Kelvin, age 8

And the #1 Favourite is……..

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

(1 ) Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.
– Ricky, age 10